All I'll Ever Need Read online

  Table of Contents

  Legal Page

  Title Page

  Book Description

  Dedication

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  New Excerpt

  About the Author

  Publisher Page

  A Totally Bound Publication

  All I’ll Ever Need

  ISBN # 978-1-78430-446-1

  ©Copyright J.P. Bowie 2015

  Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright February 2015

  Edited by Sue Meadows

  Totally Bound Publishing

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Totally Bound Publishing.

  Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Totally Bound Publishing. Unauthorized or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

  The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

  Published in 2015 by Totally Bound Publishing, Newland House, The Point, Weaver Road, Lincoln, LN6 3QN

  Totally Bound Publishing is a subsidiary of Totally Entwined Group Limited.

  Warning:

  This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Totally Sizzling and a Sexometer of 1.

  ALL I’LL EVER NEED

  J.P. Bowie

  All Edward Conway needs is someone to love, and in sexy Puerto Rican Alex Martinez, he may have found that someone—until a wild party threatens to take everything from him.

  When Edward Conway came out to his family he never imagined their reaction would be to shut him out of their lives. Searching for acceptance he leaves his hometown hoping to find a new life in Los Angeles. Finally daring to enter a gay bar by himself, he meets Alex Martinez, a celebrities publicity agent, and the two men connect on all kinds of levels. Despite the pressure of Alex’s job, which takes him out of town soon after he and Edward connect, Edward feels he may just have met the man who can give him something to live for.

  Things look good until Edward’s wild roommate Troy, needs a lift to a party where ‘sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll’ are the order of the day. Reluctantly Edward agrees to drive Troy to the party, but before he can leave he becomes the victim of a vicious incident that could shatter the hopes he had for the future.

  Alex is there to lend support but he is haunted by a tragic past, and in the present is torn between an old loyalty and the wish to make Edward a lasting part of his life.

  Dedication

  As always, my thanks to Claire and Nicki, the wonderfully supportive owners of Totally Bound, and to my super helpful editor Sue, and all the other people at TB who are such a pleasure to work with. And this year I can say thanks to my husband Phil for being in my life and bringing me joy and inspiration. We were legally married in May 2014.

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

  Stella: Anheuser Busch InBev

  BMW: Bayerische Motoren Werke AG

  Oprah : Harpo Productions, Inc.

  New Yorker : Condé Nast

  iPad: Apple Inc.

  People : Time Inc.

  Starbucks: Starbucks Corporation

  Air Canada: ACE Aviation Holdings Inc.

  iPhone: Apple Inc.

  Google: Google Inc.

  LA Times : Tribune Publishing

  Adele at the Albert Hall : XL, Columbia, Sony Music

  Spock: Paramount Pictures

  Captain Butler: Margaret Mitchell

  Scarlett O’Hara: Margaret Mitchell

  Cointreau: Rémy Cointreau

  The Flash: DC Comics

  Housewives of Beverly Hills : Evolution Media

  Aladdin : The Walt Disney Company

  Mercedes: Mercedes-AMG

  Jaguar: Tata Motors

  Band-Aid: Johnson & Johnson

  The Illustrated Man : Ray Bradbury

  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest : United Artists

  Oscar: Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences

  Chapter One

  Edward Conway couldn’t remember just how long he’d been standing on the opposite side of the street from the Rockin’ Bar’s entrance, but he was sure of one thing—his feet, hands and nose were way too cold, and if he didn’t grow a pair and get his ass inside, he’d most likely come down with some kind of flu-related ailment. It was an unseasonably chilly night in southern California, one he’d been unprepared for, venturing out earlier without his bomber jacket that would have shielded him from the bitter wind.

  “God, but you’re a pussy,” he muttered. What could be so terrible? It was a gay bar—a place he’d wanted to visit ever since he’d arrived in LA, just to see what it was like. Maybe he’d meet someone nice, talk, share a kiss perhaps… Then who knows? There was always a chance it might lead to something more, something he’d been aching for, for a long time, things he so acutely knew were missing from his life. Warmth, companionship, a friend he could open up to, a chance to feel needed… Maybe even loved.

  “Go on then…” He took a tentative step forward onto the concrete strip that separated him from what he so desperately wanted. The cracked surface of the narrow one-way street now seemed as wide as the Grand Canyon, and just as formidable to cross. But cross it he must, and when he reached the other side he’d simply push his way through the door and join the throng of people inside. What could be so difficult about that?

  Edward had been in Los Angeles for only four weeks, but his hometown of Ellingsworth, North Carolina, already seemed a distant place, both in miles and in his memories. He’d wanted to get out of Ellingsworth so badly he could almost taste the freedom it would bring him. When he’d finally cut himself loose from his so-called friends and family, it had been with such little regret that he still marveled at how easy it had been in the end.

  After finally making the supreme effort to cross the street, he stood staring at the door of the Rockin’ Bar, closed against the chill of the night air. All he had to do was push it open and he could enter into the warmth he was sure awaited him on the other side. The decision was taken out of his hands when two young guys brushed past him, swung the door open, and one of them, giving Edward a sweet smile, held it for him.

  “Th-thanks…” He grabbed the handle then followed them inside. Edward had only ever been in one gay bar before, and that had been in Charlotte, North Carolina, a city as different from Los Angeles as beer is from champagne. Edward couldn’t quite believe just how big a space the bar encompassed—it was at least half a football field long—and there was an upper floor—and everywhere there were people—mostly men, standing practically shoulder to shoulder or dancing on the huge wooden floor in the center of the bar. The noise was incredible. A wall of sound surrounded him. Laughter, chatter and the thump, thumping bass he’d only been vaguely aware of
outside on the street now overwhelmed his senses, made him feel vibrant… Alive.

  He headed for the bar where the bartender, a hottie wearing shorts and a big smile, asked him, “What’ll it be, handsome?”

  “You have Stella?”

  “On tap, just for you, my pretty. Small or large?”

  “Maybe a small one, to start.” The bartender’s sunny smile and flirty attitude went a long way to make Edward relax and feel glad he’d made the decision to get out and test the waters of LA’s gay scene.

  “On the house.” The bartender placed a glass of amber liquid in front of Edward. “Name’s Gary by the way.”

  “Edward—and thanks for the beer.”

  They shook hands across the bar. “Pleasure. Like to look after our first timers, so you’ll come back.”

  Edward had no doubt he’d come back. When Gary left to take care of his other customers, Edward took a long swig of his Stella, savoring the refreshing coolness and slightly nutty taste. He glanced around the bar, avoiding too much eye contact with the other patrons, but taking in the general mix of guys his own age and some older men talking, smiling, laughing in groups or couples, or simply standing alone, like himself. Despite the volume of music there was a mellow ambience present in the bar, and even the need to shout to be heard wasn’t overly irritating. He couldn’t help but compare these people with the grim faces he’d left behind.

  After months of muttered innuendo directed his way in the workplace, unreturned phone calls from those he’d once considered friends, silence and hard stares from his parents, bullying taunts and punches from his brother, he’d had enough. The job he’d applied for on the Internet had seemed at first to be a bit of a stretch for him. It had meant relocation, new surroundings, no one he knew nearby—daunting prospects without a doubt—but wasn’t that exactly what he’d wanted? To shake himself free of the depression that had dogged him night and day, the inner loneliness he had felt sure would consume him completely and lead him to do something really stupid, like end his life, all because he was seen to be different in the eyes of those around him.

  But was he really so different? Hadn’t he seen on the TV masses of people like him celebrating the overturning of Proposition 8 in California, the legalization of same-sex marriage in sixteen states, the end of DOMA and DADT? The world was changing, and Edward wanted to be a part of that change, wanted recognition for himself, what he was, who he was. More than anything he wanted to find another like himself, someone who would understand him, love him unconditionally just as he would love in return.

  Well, that wasn’t going to happen in Ellingsworth, North Carolina—a too-small town where everyone knew not only your name but everything else about you, too. Where it was considered only right to correct what they perceived to be wrong, no matter who it hurt, no matter the fallout. When Edward, buoyed by the progress he could see all around the country, had come out to his family, he truly had not expected the hateful reaction he’d received.

  They hadn’t thrown him out, but it might have been better if they had. His father had told him to never mention such a hideous thing again, never to tell anyone else of his perversion, and to pray nightly to God for deliverance from his sinful ways. However, his brother, Craig, wasn’t satisfied with his family’s judgment. He’d made it his business to let everyone they knew in on Edward’s confession. Even his father’s wrath couldn’t shut Craig up, and before long Edward had found himself ostracized by just about everyone he came in contact with. The world might be changing, but not Edward’s world, not in Ellingsworth, North Carolina. His decision to leave had been met with indifference both at home and where he worked at the local bank. He’d had a feeling the manager was getting ready to fire him anyway, after being informed of Edward’s unnatural tendencies. Yes, brother Craig had done an excellent job of character assassination.

  Thanks, bro, hope I never have to look at your acne-ridden face again…

  In order to shake off the depressing effects of too much reminiscing about the shit he’d hopefully left behind, he downed the last of his drink and walked to the edge of the dance floor. He felt filled with the sudden need to become one with the music, to dance, to give his body over to the rhythm, to let it all take him away from past regret and dismal memories.

  “Wanna dance?” A tousled-haired, smiling vision appeared before him, shirtless, his skin covered completely in ink. Dragons and serpents seemed to writhe on the man’s bare flesh under the colored lights that flashed overhead. Edward stepped back, startled and a little put off by the guy’s bizarre appearance. An overabundance of tattoos on anyone had never been his thing. If he wanted to read quotations or look at pictures, he’d buy a book. But he had no time to say no, or even think, as his would-be dance partner tugged him onto the floor and immediately spun him into a sweaty, muscular embrace.

  “Haven’t seen you here before.” The man had to shout, his lips on Edward’s ear to be heard over the music.

  “My first time,” Edward yelled back. They were dancing so close he had no choice but to put his hands, reluctantly, on the guy’s tattooed, and sweat-sticky shoulders.

  “I’m Herbie.”

  “Edward.”

  “I come here most every night,” Herbie told him. “I love to dance.”

  “You’re good,” Edward said, and he was. Edward loved to dance too, and he responded without effort to Herbie’s undulating rhythm, their bodies moving to the pounding beat. But Edward couldn’t help but be uncomfortably aware of the press of Herbie’s crotch against his own or the fact that Herbie had slid his hands down to cover Edward’s butt, squeezing hard, holding him firmly in place as he ground his hips over Edward’s. Edward felt uneasy with this amount of intimacy from someone he hadn’t known existed until a few seconds ago. He didn’t want to be rude, or make his unease too apparent, but when Herbie planted an open-mouthed, tongue-wriggling kiss on his lips, he decided this was going way too far, way too fast, and he wasn’t enjoying it one iota.

  He jerked his head away and tried to squirm out of Herbie’s arms. “You need to slow down, mister.”

  “We’re just getting started.” Herbie laughed and tightened his arms around Edward’s waist.

  “No, we’re just getting over it.” Edward was thankful at that moment for the hours he spent working out every week. He knew he was stronger than his five ten, one hundred and sixty pound frame suggested, and Herbie gasped with surprise when Edward suddenly pushed him backwards, and he almost ended up on his ass.

  “Hey! That’s not very nice.”

  “You’re right, and neither is trying to stick your tongue down my throat less than a minute after asking me to dance.”

  They were yelling at each other over the pounding of the music, which chose that moment to quieten down for a segue into a slower tune. Edward felt his face heat up with embarrassment. Jeez. First night out and I’m causing a fucking scene!

  “What are you—some kind of prude?” Herbie, obviously not at all embarrassed, just pissed off, continued to yell at him.

  “No, I’m someone with taste.” Not terrific but it’s the best I can do right now.

  “Oh, la-di-fucking-da,” Herbie sneered and stomped off, soon lost among the throng of dancers. The majority of whom, Edward thankfully noted, didn’t seem to care about his little fracas.

  Well, damn, maybe I was rude using the ‘taste’ jab, but hell, he really was obnoxious trying to pull a stunt like that.

  He headed back to the bar, relieved to see Gary still there, still smiling, and a knowing expression on his cute face.

  “Ready for another?”

  “More than ready. Make it a large one this time.”

  Gary chuckled. “Pay no attention to Herbie, he’s a pain in the ass. He has to ask the new guys to dance ’cause nobody else gives him the time of day. He’s what you might call persistent.”

  Edward watched the flex of Gary’s biceps as he pulled on the draft handle and filled the beer glass to the brim wit
h frothy amber liquid. Edward licked his lips in anticipation, an action not missed by Gary who winked and said, “Can’t say I blame Herbie for wanting a taste of those luscious lips.”

  Edward pushed a ten over the bar. “I guess I’m not used to people coming on to me so fast.”

  “Really?” Gary raised one well-shaped eyebrow. “Where’ve you been hiding yourself—a monastery?”

  “No, Ellingsworth, North Carolina.”

  “Never heard of it.”

  “You’re lucky.”

  “So how long have you been in LA?”

  “Four weeks. This is the first time I’ve actually been out, apart from going to see a couple of movies.”

  “And you have to run into Herbie. Helluva first impression.”

  Edward chuckled. “I’ll get over it.”

  “You look like you can take care of yourself anyway.”

  “When you have an older brother who gets his kicks from beating up on you, you learn how to defend yourself real fast—or how to cover the bruises.”

  Gary threw him a quick glance of sympathy before he had to go take care of some impatient customers yelling for service, but came back a few moments later, complete with his open, sunny smile, and a message. “See the guy standing at the end of the bar to your right?”

  Edward nodded after taking what he hoped was a surreptitious look, one just long enough to take in the fact that the guy was tall with a hot Latin appearance… Spanish or Italian, perhaps.

  “Yes, I see him.”

  “Wants to buy you a drink. He’d like you to join him, he says.”

  “Do you know him?” Edward asked.

  “He’s been in a couple of times. Hard to miss with those exotic looks. Good tipper too, but that’s about as much as I know.” He winked at Edward. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye out in case he tries a Herbie on you.”